The Bull of the Woods--A Tall Tale
by Adamantwrites
Summary: Hoss explains to his young daughters in his own singular style, why their Grampa is called "The Bull of the Woods." Written as a celebration for Lorne Greene's birthday in February. All recognizable characters and settings are the property of heir respective owners. The plot is the property of the author. No copyright infringement intended.
**The Bull of the Woods**

"Pa, why'd that man call Grampa Bull of the Woods?" Molly sat on one side of her father, her sister Hope on the other. In one arm she clutched her rag doll and the other small hand grasped her father's large arm as he drove the buckboard.

"Yeah, Pa," Hope chimed in. "I was going to ask you myself."

"Copycat," Molly said, leaning over to see her older sister.

"I'm not the copycat, Molly-you are! I told you I was going to ask Pa about it and you copied me."

"Did not, did not!" Molly put out her tongue at her older sister.

"Pa, Molly stuck her tongue out at me! Tell her not to."

"Now, Hope, bein' the older you shouldn't be that upset 'bout little things like that but Molly, that ain't nice. I'm gonna have to tell your ma and you know how she is 'bout such things."

"Pa, I'll be good. Just don't tell Ma, okay?"

"Tell Ma," Hope said, her eyes sparkling. "She'll make Molly lick a bar of soap like she said she would if Molly did it again."

"Ain't nobody gonna be lickin' no bar of soap and, Hope, don't you go tattlin' neither. Now if you two will stop your fussin' at each other, I'll tell you how your Grampa Cartwright came to be called the Bull of the Woods."

"Okay,Pa," Hope said and slipped her arms about her father's other arm.

"Now when I was just a boy," Hoss started out.

"My age, Pa?" Molly asked hopefully.

"Well, um..." Hoss looked back and forth at his two daughters. "I guess I was 'bout between you two. Anyway, Grampa and me were..."

"Grampa's your pa, isn't he?" Molly asked grinning.

"Of course, he is," Hope said with disgust,"or he wouldn't be our Grampa. You're such a dumb bunny, Molly."

"You two wanna hear this or not?" Both girls nodded their heads and their fine, golden hair floated about their sweet faces. "That's better. Well, we was ridin' in a buckboard just like this'n and all of a sudden a man come racin' on a horse and he caught up with us and he says, 'Dempsey's bull done got outta his pen and he's been tossin' up people right and left who been tryin' to catch him-why some of 'em even landed in trees! He's been ruinin' the crops with them sharp hooves of his'n and chasin' away all the milk cows; why they's spread almost to Europe! You best run for your lives, Ben Cartwright! Now I'm gonna tell everbody that Nevada is gonna be unlivable from now on as long at the bull is on the loose! He's a scourge on the countryside!' "

"Pa, what's a scourge?" Hope asked.

"Well," Hoss stammered, "a scourge is...well it's somethin' bad, kinda like...tell you what-you ask your Uncle Adam next time you see 'im. Anyway, Dempsey's bull was huge and mean! He had red eyes and steam came outta his nostrils when he snorted. Why he was so mean that he'd gore a man with his horns for no reason-didn't need no provo...prova...well, like I done said, no reason at all. Well, Grampa looked at me and said, 'Hoss, we gotta get back to the Ponderosa and get Adam and Hop Sing and pack up. We gotta leave Nevada forever!' "

"What about Uncle Joe?" Hope asked in a suspicious tone.

"Your Uncle Joe weren't yet born. Anyway, I was kinda scared and started to cry..."

"It's okay, Pa," Molly said, patting her father's arm. "I'd be scared too."

"Thanks, Sweetpea." Hoss looked over at Hope who watched him with narrowed eyes; she wasn't as gullible as her younger sister.

"Anyway, we was just 'bout home when Dempsey's bull jumped outta them woods and stood right in front of our buckboard-it's legs braced and its head lowered like it was gonna charge and overturn our buckboard and then stomp us but good! The horses saw that bull there like that, huffin' and pawin' the ground and they reared up somethin' awful, broke free and took off runnin' for California."

"Really, Pa?" Hope asked, tilting her head. "All the way to California?"

"Now just let me finish. Your Grampa, well, he knew iffen he didn't do somethin', it might very well be the end of us so he said, 'Hoss, you climb outta the back and run home as fast as you can! Tell Hop Sing to get you and Adam outta here. You understand, boy?"

"Well, I did as your grampa said but then I stopped. My mouth just dropped open 'cause he jumped out of the buckboard and when Dempsey's bull came at him, well your grampa took him by the horns and wrestled that big ol' bull to the ground. Then he grabbed that bull's tail and started swingin'. And as he swung it round 'n round, that bull hit and cleared all the trees in that area. We call it the high pasture now 'cause it's just clean, open land. Anyway, your grampa spun that bull faster and faster and then just slung him loose and that bull flew miles through the sky-flew so far that when he finally hit ground he made a huge hole in the ground. They call it the Grand Canyon and people travel for miles just to see it-one day maybe I'll take you two. Well, when everbody found out what Grandpa'd done, why they had a huge party-cakes and pies and barbequed beef and pork loin-and Hop Sing made them good butter rolls too. And everbody toasted your grampa calling him The Bull of the Woods! We all sang 'For He's a Jolly Good Fellow' and said 'Hip, Hip Hurray' while we raised our glasses of punch. And that's how your grampa, my pa, come to be called Bull of the Woods."

"Boy, Pa,"Molly said, "Grampa's just about the bravest man there is!"

"Yep, he sure is." Hoss looked over at Hope who sat silently.

Then she said, "So if I ask Grampa why that man called him that name, that's what he'll say, right?"

"Well, your grampa's a modest man-don't like me braggin' on 'im him none and won't brag on himself neither."

"You know what, Pa, even if it's not a true story, I think Grampa's brave enough to do such a thing. I think he'd face a bull to save you and Uncle Adam."

"You know what, Hope?"

"What, Pa?"

"I learned 'bout how to love from my Pa-how a man loves his children and I try all the time to be as good a pa to you and Molly as my pa was to me and your uncles."

Hope smiled. "You're a lot like Grampa and I love you both."

"I love you too, Hope."

"How 'bout me, Pa, " Molly asked, tugging on Hoss' sleeve. "You love me too, Pa?"

"Now, 'course I do, "Hoss said, moving the reins to one hand so her could hug Molly to him. "I love both you and Hope and your ma."

"Pa," Hope said, "I won't ask Grampa about that Bull of the Woods story; it might embarrass him, okay?"

Hoss smiled and winked at his oldest-and she winked back.

And now another generation of Cartwrights knew that Ben Cartwright was the only Bull of the Woods-and would always remain so-no matter how he got there!

~ Finis ~


End file.
